The Perfect Valentine: Naughty and Nice

Finding the Perfect Valentine: Naughty & Nice

I was asked what the perfect Valentine present was.  I thought for a long moment while my answers swarmed in my head.  I wanted to just blurt out a cheesy answer to end the conversation and return to my steamy “fuck” book.  But, I didn’t.  He asked me for a reason.  He wanted to do something special for his love.  I told him I wanted to think about it for just a bit.  After my silent contemplation, I decided to ask a few of my friends.  What I found was, the answers were the same.  Male or female.  Unbiased of sexual orientation.  I made a list, and these were my answers.

(Don’t forget to  spend that few extra bucks.  Trust me, the reward will be worth it.)

Going Generic

Candy is dandy.  Flowers have power.  Jewelry makes ‘em purty.  But, do it with style, pizazz, and the unexpected.

Candy:

Trying to tempt that sweet tooth?  Find  them a beautiful and delicious assortment of their favorite guilty pleasures from a specialty store.  Many bakeries will offer  chocolate covered strawberries.  Even in small towns chocolatier is close by.  Valentines is a huge revenue time for these tiny stores.  They will work to make you happy.  If caramel is the poison, they’ll be able to hook you up with a beautiful selection of their sure-to-be homemade candy.

I love caramel coated apples rolled in wonderful goodness.  M & M’s, Oreo’s, toffee, Snickers…  Mmmmm.  Bring me an apple rolled in all four with a big pink bow, your ass is getting a sticky blow job.  But, for that extra bit of naughty fun, line my body with Recess Pieces and eat them off of me.  If I giggle?  Your choice of delicious punishment.

Flowers:

Want to give flowers?  Unless you are bringing them home naked, don’t walk in at 6pm Valentine’s night with a Wal-Mart wrapped bouquet.  Yes, the thought is greatly appreciated, but we are left standing there feeling a little deflated.  We could have done that our self.  BRING them to our work.  If you can’t bring them, then have them delivered them to our work.  Making that little extra effort that you care if we make our co-workers hate us is priceless.  (I kinda like the naked thought myself.)
Take a single, long-stemmed red rose and attach something beautiful to it.  A note, letter, that special piece of jewelry.  Speaking of jewelry…

Jewelry:

Thinking of dangling another necklace around my neck?  Go for it.  It better be something spectacular though.  I get so distraught with the commercials saturating the air waves.  I cringe a little after I see the gem from tv displayed from so many necks the day after.  Yes, they are pretty.  Use that necklace/ring/earring to get you in the store, but shop once you get there and find that perfect piece that screams their name once you see it.  Don’t say… “Give me what I saw on tv.”  The exception:  It’s what she always wanted.  Ladies, I would stay away from the precious metals for your guy unless you know for sure what they like or want.

Wanna make it sexy?  Buy a seductive belly chain or body jewelry if piercings are there.  Present it beautifully and see the mischievous spark ignite.  Remember, handcuffs is considered jewelry!

Don’t get me wrong, these things are nice (and better than nothing), but once you’ve done them a couple of times.  Eeehhh, it’s boring.  If this is your first Valentine’s together, sure, go for it.  But don’t grab the first heart shaped box of chocolates off the shelf.  Some of us don’t like coconut.

Now, let’s think outside the box…

Simple Gestures:

The art of writing a letter or penning a poem has almost disappeared.  Granted my hand cramps when using a pencil for an extended period of time.  I use to scribble and write in little notebooks and journals all the time.  Now I just whip out my phone or laptop and open a digital notebook or post it note.  I can print a beautiful “hand-written” note with a push of a button.  But, it’s not the same.

Choose a beautiful paper, a good pen, and honest thoughts.  You can personalize, Girls, with a lipstick kiss or a spray of perfume.  Search your heart and write away.   It’s up to you to mail it or hand deliver it.  That only can be the gift or it can be arranged in sweet little basket.

Leave “thinking of you” hints throughout the house.  One of my favorites told to me from a friend was the morning she awoke to M & M’s on the kitchen table.  Her husband had left early for work, but before he left, he took the bag of candy and spelled I LOVE YOU on the table.  She said no matter what happened stressful that day, all she did was think about the  M & M’s on the table.

Scavenger Hunts can be a huge potpourri of sensuality or plan ol’ kinkiness.  Decide what the treasure will be and work backwards.  Are we searching for a gift?  Are we proposing?  Are we gathering coupons to cash in for one delicious romp in the sack?

Pick one room to start in and turn them loose!  Make sure to leave instructions what room to go to next.  I have erotic memories as I found cards and items leading to one helluva bath and love-making session.  I still keep that sexual position die on my bedside.

Take the initiative:

Make the reservations.  Find the baby-sitter.  Pick the movie.  My husband gets so frustrated at me for always saying: Whatever you want is fine.  It’s not always fine.  Our partners honestly want us to be happy.  Girls, ask him out.  Tell him you made reservations at *some wonderful place*.  Guys, ask the neighbor to keep the kids or family for help.  Have roommates?  Get a hotel with a wonderful big tub.  Maybe the hotel has a restaurant you always wanted to eat at.  Having a drink?  Stay and avoid drinking and driving!  Already have reservations made?  Stop by early with some rose petals or candles.  Ask if they can set your table up before you get there (of course, an extra tip will be given).  Not only will you make every other patron jealous because they didn’t think of it, but it will make your date feel extra special that you went out of your way.

Spas and Bath and Body Works:

To spa or not to spa? That should never be a question.  Spa! Spa! Spa!  COUPLE’S MASSAGE.  Almost every spa I checked into had an option for a couple’s massage.  This is a fabulous experience.  Sure, you could give a gift certificate, but then they get to enjoy without you.

More and more guys are getting mani/pedi’s.  I don’t see a problem with that at all.  I love to see someone taking pride in how they look.  You can always get your nails done before the massage. *hint hint*

I use the famous chain store, Bath and Body Works as more of an example then where you have to go.  Victoria’s secret has wonderful bath and body items as well, but I like the men’s section in B & B Works.  Any guy can run to Wal-Mart or Target and buy Axe, Old Spice, or Dial, but what a guy won’t do is go to the mall and buy him something from what most men perceive as a “girl’s store”.  Several  guys I asked said they didn’t even know that they had a men’s section.  Make him a nice sexy basket and place that one long-stemmed red rose with a poem attached.

Let’s talk about sex:

Mmmm, mmmm.  Don’t we all wanna get lucky on Valentine’s?  Romance is in the air.  All the commercials tell you do this or that for the one you love.  Love is on the brain.  Love-making that is.  Sex in other words.  Don’t ruin a perfect evening by expecting to get lucky.  If it happens, it happens.  Be prepared.  Have condoms in your wallet, purse, bedside, bathroom, glove box.

Want to buy some toys?  I would not buy anything that vibrated or required batteries unless you know this will perceived positively.  Do you know if your partner already has toys?  Uses them?  Do you know what kind?  Don’t assume if you don’t know.  You need to have a talk about toy play before thrusting the idea.  If you have discussed the vibrating pals, then I would put that at the end of the scavenger hunt and drool until that treasure was found.
Having the Love Den all prepared is a huge turn on and falls into foreplay.  Going upstairs and entering my room with candles lit, wine chilled, rose petals out is a sure way to get cupid’s arrow quivering.   Seeing the rope pre-tied and mask on the pillow will take your breath away…

One of my favorite valentine’s was created by the help of a friend.  She kept my kids at my house in the afternoon so I could check in early to the hotel I had secretly reserved.  I had the bed perfect.  Candles throughout ready to be lit.  Wine and Bourbon on the table.  Glasses, corkscrew, and sodas chilling.  I left our suitcases.  I scattered rose petals throughout the room and into the hallway.  I spoke with housekeeping and tipped the floor maid to not clean them up.  She left me a little broom at my request, and I swept them to a pile myself.  I dolled myself up and waited for him to get home.  I told him we were going to an early dinner and had to leave immediately.  He kissed the kids and we left.  Needless to say, the “date” was perfect.  Good thing I didn’t forget our bathing suits for the indoor pool and sauna.

Happy Sexy Valentine’s!!

xoxo

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