*Introducing a new article series by me. I will be collaborating with my friend’s at Mad World Radio and sharing some blogs with them, his audience, and internet radio show. These articles are topics requested from regular folks as us. Have something you want me to address? Send me an email! Your anonymity will be remained*
FINDING YOUR VOICE IN THE BEDROOM: ARTICLE 1.0
Hey, honey, can you pass the lube?
Where is it?
Over there by the strap-on.
I can only imagine the answer is the black one with the pink dildo, but sadly the only conversation heard is probably the goodnight kiss on the side of the cheek and a low murmured, I love you.
When did we decide snuggling is the acceptable way to make love? When did intercourse *whispers sex* become the SPECIAL GIFT on birthdays, holidays, anniversaries? When did we become a society so frightened to communicate our desires and fantasies with the ones we have legally/faithfully sworn our lives and very last breaths to? When was the last you eagerly fell to your knees and spread your lover’s knees wide and tasted and teased their sex?
It happened when you got busy.
It happened when you gained those 5 extra pounds.
It happened when you forgot to harvest your crops, feed your fish, dig the treasure or whatever fucked up crap we can blame on the god-forbidden social networks.
It happened when we forgot we were supposed to say I want you.
I was brought up in a household were sex was naughty not “naughty”. I was inadvertently, subliminally taught that the female was for male pleasure only. I was taught that masturbation was evil and homosexuality/bisexuality was a one way ticket to hell. This is the one time I feel proud to admit I actually let it go in one ear and out the other.
(and is the time and point I add, this is my opinon and thoughts. Reader discretion is advised. Just because I say it, does mean it’s the END-ALL truth. No. This is an idea taken from my life experiences. My growth. Also, if this is your first experience with me, god bless you to the naughty bits of your orgasmic soul!)
There are many soapboxes I may try to stand and topple. But, the foundation is always the same. From personal to sexual. From my children to the perverted.
It is communication. If you are afraid to communicate your needs and desires, you fail. You are the only one to blame.
I fear that communication is lost in the bedroom.
I fear the dissatisfaction of the nightly peck on the cheek is translated in guilt, unattractiveness, and lack of desire.
We need to embrace the kink that hides inside. We need to learn to embrace the body that houses our sexuality and love it. We HAVE to tell the one that brings us to orgasmic high where to touch and nibble. I can not find a good reason not to moan, not to lead the hand in the right direction. Our bodies are meant to be explored and enjoyed. As a woman, I had to learn I was not an object for his sexual pleasure, but I was to experience sexual pleasure myself. And, if the male feels this table needs to be reversed, then fine. Fella’s, you are not just supposed to feel good, you are to make us feel good too. It is when you KNOW you are to
be pleased, you can start to find your voice in your needs. Should that voice be in telling your partner to flip her ass over, or grab a rope I’m showing you who is boss.
If your lover is consenting, understanding, an open mind, and sexual then your new sexual explortations is within grasp. If your lover is more conservative, I can’t move from the missionary postion, then your new sexual explortation is within grasp.
Talk about it. If a common, explorative ground is not, can not be found in the most intimate of conjugation, then the relationship strains and may be lacking forever. I don’t want to say that it will be over, many people just live as friends but what the hell are they thinking?
Don’t fear rejection. Don’t fear ridicule. Don’t let your ego govern the bedroom. You should never feel humiliation when talking about sex to your partner.
Chances are they may be struggling with some of your main fears. Sex should never be viewed as a chore. It should always be found to be blissful, wether it is obtained tradional or you hear cries of joy from a good ‘oel fashion spanking.
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